So the setup is simple...I'm sitting here, reading a book when my AOL IM pops up with a message from somebody named fightculbreth. How he got my screen name is indeed a mystery. His explanation of finding it on Google Image Search made no sense whatsoever.At first I thought that fightculbreth was the alias of one of my brothers internet friends who'd come to test my wits. Instead, I realized that this was the genuine article. I pressed on with cruel results...fightculbreth: hey
lopsidedtestical: hi
fightculbreth: hey
fightculbreth: u know what
fightculbreth: u know what
lopsidedtestical: ?
fightculbreth: u really shouldn't put ur friends screen names up on google image that's where i found urs
lopsidedtestical: I didn't know that I did
fightculbreth: how old r u
lopsidedtestical: 16
fightculbreth: im 15
fightculbreth: u go 2 school
lopsidedtestical: nope
fightculbreth: me neither
lopsidedtestical: thats cool
fightculbreth: i dropped out now i bang
lopsidedtestical: you bang?
fightculbreth: what about u
fightculbreth: yeah i do
lopsidedtestical: I guess you could say I have a pro bang agenda
fightculbreth: so dont think it is cool
lopsidedtestical: I think that banging is an important part of American society
fightculbreth: i bang folk
fightculbreth: where u live
lopsidedtestical: Des Moines
lopsidedtestical: how about you?
fightculbreth: north carolina
lopsidedtestical: I live in a house made out of corn
fightculbreth: wtf u stupid
lopsidedtestical: no, I do
fightculbreth: r u mentally challenged
lopsidedtestical: everything here is made out of corn
lopsidedtestical: no
fightculbreth: i dont talk 2 lil kids
lopsidedtestical: yes you do
lopsidedtestical: you're talking to me
fightculbreth: fuck u
lopsidedtestical: wanna play jacks?
fightculbreth: i bang on ur ass mother fucker
fightculbreth: 919-folk
lopsidedtestical: as in "queer as folk"?
fightculbreth: folk nation
lopsidedtestical: because we don't believe in homosexuality here in the great state of iowa
fightculbreth: its a gang mother fucker
lopsidedtestical: oh
lopsidedtestical: sorry, we don't have black people in Iowa
fightculbreth: fuck u
lopsidedtestical: sorry, it's true
lopsidedtestical: we keep inviting them to our state but I think they're allergic to corn or something
fightculbreth: let me ask u sutin
lopsidedtestical: yes fightculbreth, you may ask
fightculbreth: u racist
lopsidedtestical: NO!
fightculbreth: sure
lopsidedtestical: I love all of God's people!
fightculbreth: lol
lopsidedtestical: except Samoans
lopsidedtestical: they are the filth of the earth
fightculbreth: hu
fightculbreth: what
lopsidedtestical: fat, sweaty creatures who clog our toilets and defile our bibles
lopsidedtestical: you know, Samoans
fightculbreth: what ever
lopsidedtestical: people from the islands of American Samoa
fightculbreth: o
lopsidedtestical: did you ever see that movie unnecessary roughness?
fightculbreth: no
lopsidedtestical: because there was a Samoan in that...
lopsidedtestical: how about "three ninjas kick back"?
fightculbreth: lol i dont wach dat stupid shit
lopsidedtestical: oh
lopsidedtestical: how about "Ugly Betty" the television show?
lopsidedtestical: that is the number one rated sitcom in Iowa
fightculbreth: lolollololol
lopsidedtestical: did you know that they tried to elect her govenor of Iowa?
fightculbreth: dont give a fuck
lopsidedtestical: but she declined due to the fact that she believed there to be Samoans in our midst
lopsidedtestical: she was clearly mistaken, but still we love her
lopsidedtestical: are there Samoans where you live?
fightculbreth: north carolina united states
fightculbreth: no they aint
lopsidedtestical: EXCELLENT! :-)
lopsidedtestical: Another pure state in the union
lopsidedtestical: I wish I could go to North Carolina and bask in its non Samoan beauty
fightculbreth: g2g
lopsidedtestical: okay
lopsidedtestical: watch out for those portly Samoans!
fightculbreth: god damn shut up wit da samoans
lopsidedtestical: oh no, I knew it...
lopsidedtestical: YOU'RE ONE OF THEM AREN'T YOU!
fightculbreth: what
lopsidedtestical: >:o GO AWAY!
lopsidedtestical: LEAVE MY PEOPLE ALONE SAMOAN MENNACE!
fightculbreth: what da hell r hey
lopsidedtestical: YOU CANNOT HAVE MY TABLE SCRAPS BAD SAMOAN MAN!
fightculbreth: u fuckin hoar, slut bich pussy
fightculbreth: kill yo ass
lopsidedtestical: THIS IS THE SPEACH OF A VILE SAMOAN!
fightculbreth signed off at 5:26:29 PM.
Mercifully, this appeared to be the end of my conversation with fightculbreth. At least, until he signed back on 6 minutes later...fightculbreth signed on at 5:32:09 PM.
fightculbreth: fuck u
lopsidedtestical: no
fightculbreth: u like talking dirty
lopsidedtestical: we're taught not to do things like that in Iowa
lopsidedtestical:
www.gabenewell.comfightculbreth signed off at 5:46:45 PM.
For those who don't know, gabenewell.com is a malicious website. Upon opening it, Internet Explorer begins opening repeatedly to the same site. There are pictures of men fellating each other and a voice shouts repeatedly "I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORN!" The only way to get rid of it is to reboot your computer...fightculbreth signed on at 5:47:30 PM.
fightculbreth: u sick fuck u gave me pop ups
lopsidedtestical: =-O
lopsidedtestical: sorry!
lopsidedtestical: that was the wrong website!
lopsidedtestical: I apologize
fightculbreth: there were fuckin dicks with mud up on them on ur web page
lopsidedtestical: that's not my webpage!
lopsidedtestical: That was an honest and sincere mistake! I swear! You must believe me!
fightculbreth: o yeah there was
lopsidedtestical:
http://thewillpower.orglopsidedtestical: that is my website
fightculbreth: yeah right like im gonna click on dat
lopsidedtestical: you should fightculbreth
lopsidedtestical: its a rocking good website
lopsidedtestical: 8-)
fightculbreth: what da fuck there were a man suckin his dick u sick mother fuckin cock ass bitch
lopsidedtestical: NOW THAT IS MY WEBSITE!
fightculbreth: u sick fuck
fightculbreth signed off at 5:52:57 PM.